Tanukitsune (tanukitsune) wrote,

Battling the Backlog Week 10: I play the "worst" games ever and prove you're spoiled sybarites

The week started with the best game EVER!


Fortunately, my brother in law barely uses his, but I was almost two days dealing with Microsoft and then then with UPS!

Then I finally was able to play.... Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad (360)!

It's like playing Dynasty Warriors with pretty dumb zombies... and a girl in a bikini wearing a cowboy hat and a feather boa?

I bought it pretty cheap, but I remember hearing that it actually came out at a cheaper price, mostly because the people behind this game make budget games, it was never supposed to be triple A game...

Like I just said it's like Dynasty Warriors with more blood, more boobs, and special moves that makes you lose life but makes bosses rather easy...

In many stages you can choose two characters and switch them whenever you want, I usually kept Anna the cops to shoot the zombies and left Aya the heroine to deal with the boss of the level.

The game does have special zombies that need to be dealt with differently, like the mud zombie, on which I just use a special move and... a blood zombie which you have to kill with a "cool" combo, despite the time I've spent in the training room, I still have no idea how to perform a cool combo, fortunately you don't have to kill them to progress in the game!

I already mentioned this was a budget title, so they couldn't afford voice actors for the English version, so you get to hear them speak in Japanese with subtitles.

Frankly, I had a blast! Why did people diss this game so much? Didn't they know it was a budget title? It's called Bikini Samurai Squad! It's sounds like a B movie, and it's basically a B game... campy gory fun!

Oh yeah, the game has a "Quest" mode which asks you to do a certain thing during a level, you only get clothes to dress up your character if you do...

X-Blades was next in my in line... It's basically Devil May Cry with a girl that I'm not even sure she's legal who wears just about the same amount of clothing as the Onechanbara girl...

You run around killing enemies for their souls which you use to buy new spells, sometimes you might even have to grind to get enough souls for the best spells in the game and you'll need one of each element because some enemies can only be hurt with a certain type of spell.

The game also changes completely depending on whether you choose the light spells or the darks spells, so the game has some extra replay value if you want to see both endings.

Like I said, it's like Devil May Cry, only not as good, but still pretty fun, specially when you only the lightning spell! That can clear a room of enemies very quick!

I guess people hated this game because, once again, it's only good, not the best game ever... and people only play the best of the best, good game are for losers!

Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers is the sequel to the 360 game I just mentioned earlier and takes place right after it, in this case you play as only one character and the game has less levels, many of similar to first game, but you have different story lines with each character so in the end you play more or less the same amount of time.

Since it's the Wii version there are less zombies, but they still looked pretty good, and in many aspects is better than the 360 prequel.

Here you have save points in the middle of longer levels, you actually have an inventory with items to momentarily increase your strength or restore your health, and you get tips immediately, the 360 version had a tip section, but it was always empty, I heard you had to die to get them?

Obviously you have to waggle your WiiMote to swing your sword and it seems the move set in this version is actually bigger? Or maybe they never told you of these moves in the other version...

The mud zombies now have to be killed with a different move, a move that you might have to practice in training mode, but it's easy once you get the hang of it.

So... it's basically a brawler with swords, a budget brawler... If you like brawlers of Dynasty Warriors and you get this cheap, you should enjoy it! Unless, of course, you're of the "I only play perfect games" mind set.

Sonic & The Black Knight... Sonic is back in a book for some reason,,, Why not? Just like previous Wii Sonic game, it's mostly on rails and....

Sonic has a sword? It did take a while to get used to the fact that I had to home in and the then swing the sword.

They added a lot of fluff that made the game feel weird... Why am I getting all these items? Why do I need flowers? Why am I getting items that only help me get more items?

The game also has a chivalry score, so now not only you have to run like mad and get a good score, but you have to be nice too? In the end of the level I got followers, which is just what they call experience points. If you get enough you unlock new moves.

You get penalized if you hit villagers but in some levels the enemies stay next to the villagers!

This is probably the only Sonic game where I didn't play the non-essential missions, beating a level without getting hit or using the sword ten times doesn't sound like a fun challenge to me....

From the title I'm hoping you've guess that this game takes place in the world of King Arthur, where Knuckles, Blaze and Shadow are Knights of the Round Table, just like they played similar roles in the previous game.

And... You have to kill King Arthur? Wha...!? The battle with King Arthur was annoying, it was basically a Quick Time Event, except the timing for the event is weird, it took me ages that it was "slow", "slow", "fast"...

And then.... the game is far from over! You're only halfway through! You get to play as Shadow, Knuckles and Blaze too from this point, and all that junk you collected? It can be used to forge new weapons... But ONLY for them! Sonic has Caliburn, so he doesn't need a new sword...

The final boss was the typical Super Sonic finale, except Sonic was wearing a golden armor instead of going Super Sonic....

Hmm.... While I must say this is my least favorite of the current gen Sonics, I wouldn't say it's bad, it's just O.K.... It could have done without all that fluff...

Are you ready for the grand finale! It's...


Some say this is the worst game of this generation.... And these people must haven't played a bad game in their life because I actually had lots of fun!

They should have called this game Sonic Adventure 3 since it's so similar to the Sonic Adventure series...

It has three story lines, one for Sonic, one for Shadow and one for a new character called Silver. Remeber how Chaos was a watery beast? In this game you fight Solaris a fiery beast!  You also get to play with a ton of characters like in the Adventure games, the only one missing is Big the Cat... which is probably a good thing?

Sometimes the camera goes a bit crazy, but I never died because of the camera, in some ramps an loop di loops I fell off, but only because I was pressing in the wrong direction. The game also has lots of loading times, but they weren't long, so.... I fail to see why this is the worst game ever... unless....

In this game you can't "farm for lives", once you beat a level you can't play it again, in story mode at least, so you'll never be able to have 99 lives for that extra hard level... Are the haters people who just suck at games?

Sure 5 lives isn't much, but I beat the whole game with only five lives per level, in many levels I came out with more lives that I had when I entered them!

I did notice a few thing that were carried over to Sonic Unleashed, remember when you had to a QTE to jump from column to column? In this game you do it, only you only have to press jump. Remember the high speed areas where you had to press the left and right triggers to avoid crashing into things? Here you have them too, only you have to move manually, it seemed like a nightmare at first, until you get the hang of it.

The story is simple yet, you have to play all three story lines to really know what is going on, it starts out with a creepily realistic Eggman going after Princess Elise, he wants the power of Solaris to control time and rule the world, the usual stuff, while Sonic rescues the princess only to have her captured again and again...

The princess is in love with Sonic, or at least very fond of him, but that didn't bother me...

Silver is from a post apocalyptic future where the Iblis, a part of Solaris, has destroyed nearly everything, someone that looks a lot like Shadow tells him that Sonic is to blame so he travel to the past, Sonic's present, to kill him.

Silver has psychic powers and while not as fast as Sonic, he's pretty interesting because he can stop bullets and throw them back at the enemy, he can also levitate himself and he can even climb on a block and levitate the block while he's still on it!

Shadow still works for the GUN, but no longer has guns! HUZZAH! But he has to drive? Which was weird, but that bad... It could have done with the vehicles, but then I guess Shadow would play too much like Sonic?

In this game you get rings depending on your ranking to buy upgrades, only a few are obligatory, but you'll always have more than enough to buy them... Except for Sonic who has extra upgrades which aren't necessary but make the game almost too easy... Like a slow down gem which slows enemies movements, a gem that makes Sonic tiny and gives him infinite jump.

Like the other Sonic Adventure games, this one has a finale chapter where everybody plays a part, you literately have to play the final level with a different character in each section, each section is a part of a previous level, crawling with black holes, that might seems impossible... until you get the hang of it...

And of course, the grand finale with Super Sonic, Super Shadow and Super Silver fighting Solaris in several stages (too many "esses"?). While in the other games you have to pick up rings to keep Sonic from turning back to normal, here you just have to switch between characters and they regenerate, which doesn't mean you can't get killed...

Having played most of the Sonic games recently, I'm baffled at the bad press this game got, it's not the worst Sonic game not the worst game of this generation, sure it could have done with some more polish, but that doesn't make it terrible... I rather enjoyed it once I got the hang of it!

Each day that passes I'm more positive that games today are spoiled brats that don't know what a good game is... there are so used to quadruple A titles that a game that's good but not awesome is pure torture to them...

When did 6's and 7's become the new minus infinity?

People say the "casual" gaming with be the downfall of gaming, but I think it's this new way of thinking... Companies and franchises are dying because people can't handle good games anymore, how long before it's time for the "great" games to suffer the same fate?

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