Tanukitsune (tanukitsune) wrote,

Survival Guide for Text Adventures

You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door. There is a small mailbox here.
You see a "Survival Guide for Text  Adventures"
<You pick the guide up first>

"Welcome to the world of magical adventure! PREPARE TO DIE , WORM!

Would you like to explore our world in which we took so much effort to make? You'll find... A MILLION WAYS TO SUFFER DEFEAT AND HAVE YOUR FLESH TURN ASUNDER!

Take your time... You probably have already missed a timed event and ruined everything!   You're probably out of time to finish your quest anyway... If not... you'll die of hunger or thirst eventually... Admit defeat and jump off a cliff! EMBRACE DEATH!

Remember that thing you did that so hilarious? Well.... it ruined your chances of winning the game!  And you already saved so it's too late to do anything about it! Having several saves will not help... THERE IS NO HOPE!

Remember the 3 "K"s, kiss, kill and kick anything that moves! Be a jerk! Swear! Rape! Pillage! Your days are numbered so why not have fun before we kill you for no apparent reason!  FEAR US!

There are only two kinds of puzzles here, the illogical ones, ">GROPE FERRET WHILE HOLDING A TUNA" or the extremely annoying and complex puzzles, either way.. YOUR FEEBLE MIND CAN NOT HANDLE THEM!

Take all you want! There are mostly red herrings... You don't have room to carry all... If you leave an item behind... that's the one you needed! TREMBLE IN DESPAIR!

Enjoy the local flora and fauna... THEY WILL ENJOY YOUR ENTRAILS!

Do not be afraid of the dark, if you are in the dark... YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD!

Bring a dictionary, your feeble mind will always encounter some item you have never heard of before, and several hard to spell items too! Do you need them? It doesn't matter.. YOU ARE ON YOUR TO DESTRUCTION!

Enjoy your stay in the wonderful word of text adventures! WE WILL MAKE YOU OUR B*TCH!"

What do you want to do now?

You are stuck by lightning!
You still live, but a herd of gnus tramples over you!
Grues feast on your remains...

You have scored -2 points of OVER 9000 points in 2 turns, making you a PATHETIC WORM!


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